“I know the feeling of confusion and betrayal. I know the feeling of fearing for my life.”
~Jason Reynolds
There’s something to be said about finding someone who just gets you. There’s really nothing like it. Finding that person is the same feeling as coming home. You just feel comfortable. You feel like you can relax and be who you really are. They’re exactly what you’ve been missing.
As I contemplate about which story to write about today, I am feeling lonely. I am feeling betrayed by someone I love. I am feeling confused and scared. I am feeling … blah, and so, what I need today is some Johnny-therapy. Every time I get betrayed by someone I love, I go back to the memory of him to remind myself that it is possible to be loved by someone so completely that you don’t have to censor what you say around them because they get you and they love you anyway. You can be as goofy as you want around them and they will love you anyway. You can cry and fall apart in-front of them and they will still love you anyway … finding a person like that is rare.
For me, a little Johnny therapy is what’s desperately needed this weekend. It’s what’s necessary to get me through to the next chapter of my life. So, instead of coming up with a new inspirational story to tell you today, I am bringing Johnny back to life instead.
Here’s a short excerpt from my favorite book.
Enjoy!
Copyright © 2022 by Sanela Ramic Jurich. All rights reserved.
Pg 205-207 in Remember Me
The door to his office was open, and as I walked in, I saw this tall, handsome, blond man holding the phone to his ear and talking loudly. There was a faint accent in his voice. He had his back turned to me, but his voice was enough to tell me it was him. It was my Johnny. I couldn’t stop the tears from embarrassing me; they flew out of my eyes like rivers before he even turned to face me. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. My mind was telling me it was impossible and that I was finally losing it, but my heart – my heart was humming, slowly wrapping around his voice, soaking it in, treasuring it. He turned… slowly dropping the phone to the floor. Shock was all over his face as he just stood there, obviously stunned. The sight of him made me catch my breath. Though his blond hair was now expertly trimmed, and his body had filled out; he still had the most mesmerizing blue eyes I’d ever seen, looking even more like a god than before. I noticed the one dimple he had when he smiled. His one flaw – a dimple on only one side, his left. To me it wasn’t a flaw at all; it just made him look even more adorable.
“Selma,” he whispered, as if he was afraid if he spoke louder or moved I’d suddenly disappear. I couldn’t say anything from fear of sobbing loudly, so we just stood there looking at each other, neither one making the first move for a few moments. Then, finally, he walked gradually toward me. The nightmare I’d had for years popped into my head, and I thought to myself that if this was another tribulation and he suddenly disappeared, I’d die. My heart would break, and I wouldn’t recover from this one.
“Selma,” he repeated softly, finally reaching me.
“Hi…” was all I could whimper out as my whole body trembled, mostly from the closeness of him and a little from the shock it just went through. The hug he gave me was soft at first, but it became stronger and stronger with each passing second. His arms were wrapped around me tightly; I thought he’d break my rib cage, but I didn’t mind if he did. I wanted him close, closer. I was afraid if I let go, I’d never be able to hold him like that again. I had millions of questions on my mind and knew nothing about this grown-up Johnny. For all I knew he was happily married. Oh, how I hoped he wasn’t.
Selfish–I was so selfish to hope that….
Hope this short excerpt brightens up your day a little. It’s certainly putting a smile to my face.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
Love always,
Sanela
